Without You I'm Nothing
by Zamochit
Summary: What REALLY happened after Mello kidnapped Yagami Sayu. Sayu begs Matt for a cigarette and Matt likes the begging. Rated T for now, mostly for language. SayuXMatt
1. I'll Take It By Your Side

Becky: A brand new fan fiction on my part! I'm rather excited about this one, as I'm dealing with the delicate pairing: Matt and Sayu. I'm warning you now, this is going to get very... interesting. Like always, please read and review so I can see how you are all reacting to my story. Also, I'd like to thank my friend SunMoonAndSpoon for giving me the idea for this pairing. And finally, I hope I did this justice and I especially hope you like it!

Reference: I SUGGEST YOU READ THIS AS IT IS IMPORTANT!!!

The entire story is based around one of the most beautiful songs I have heard: Without You I'm Nothing by a band called Placebo. All the titles WILL be named after lyrics from this song, as the lyrics are quite relevent to the situation Matt and Sayu will be in. Please try to keep an open mind about my approach to this fan fiction, as I am trying something new.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor do I own the band Placebo or the song Without You I'm Nothing.

* * *

**I'll Take It By Your Side**

****

The night was cold. The smoke was warm.

The drag was long.

It was like the first breath a baby took after exiting it's mother's womb. Needing, desiring. The perfect blend of chemicals filled her lungs with a strange warmth. Flooded her mouth with a strange taste.

Sayu breathed out with a small moan of pleasure. She had being going insane all day, trying to sneak a fag. But there had always been SOMETHING to keep her from them. Thank god for Mizuki and Daiki. That night, Sayu had snuck out of her room, quickly like a cat. Her bare feet had pounded the sidewalk as she ran. Bruising the pavement with her urgency.

It took but a few short minutes to reach the front of 7-Eleven, but even this was a few minutes too long, and as Sayu slowed to a panted walk, paranoia gripped her heart.

_What if they couldn't sneak out? Who would bring Sayu a cigarette?_

She needn't have panicked, because as she rounded the building two very familiar faces came into view.

Sayu didn't greet them; she just grabbed the cigarette that Mizuki was holding out for her. The she held out her hand for Daiki's lighter. Mizuki was Sayu's best friend, she had stuck with her through thick and thin and Sayu loved her like a sister. But Sayu defiantly didn't love Daiki like a brother. In fact, Daiki was the reason Sayu had started smoking in the first place. So she could impress him. Sayu'd had a crush on him for nearly a year now, but it didn't makes things better knowing that Daiki was Mizuki's brother; and that he was off limits.

To Sayu, that just made Daiki sexier.

Sayu's hand was shaking as she brought the cigarette to her lips; she flicked the lighter. The small flame struggled for a moment in the light evening breeze.

Yes, that first breath really was the breath of life; but it was more than that.

It was the breath of an addiction.

-

"Mello," the redhead stated, "I don't see how kidnapping this girl is going to help us at all."

Mello sighed an on-the-brink-of-collapse kind of sigh. "I'll explain it once again, just for you, Matt." He massaged his temples with his long fingers in exhaustion and frustration. It had been a very long day, and all Mello wanted to do was forget all the pressure and all the worries. He wanted to bundle them up in Sleep and mail them off to Dreamland. He wanted to lie on his lumpy mattress, wrapped in a lumpy duvet.

Or perhaps Alicia, the hot new addition to his team…

"Half of the Yagami family is working on the Kira case. We kidnap the girl, then demand the Death Note as ransom for the safe return… do you see where I am going with this Matt? Are you keeping up?!?"

Matt looked thoughtful and sceptical about something (and completely ignorant of Mello's mockery), and Mello just knew he wasn't going to get sleep anytime soon.

"But…" Matt began slowly, as a small muscle twitched in the corner of Mello's eye, "but even if the Yagami's want Yagami Sayu back, how do you know the rest of the investigation team will give up the Death Note?"

Behind Mello's obvious scowl, a smirk blossomed; the closest he ever got to a genuine smile. "Because Matt, I have reason to believe that Yagami Light and Yagami Soichiro have a considerable amount of influence over the rest of the people working on the case. And their actions. We will defiantly get the Death Note in exchange for their dearest Sayu-chan.

Matt blinked twice behind faded goggles. He supposed he had no reason not to trust Mello. But even so, he had a bad feeling this plan wasn't going to go quite as smoothly as Mello thought it would.

But he nodded his head, like a good little sidekick, before turning back to his paused Nintendo DS. He started to play; while out of the corner of his eye noticing Mello standing to leave.

Probably going to go find that new girl, Alicia, or something.

-

Sayu took her time in the shower, letting the hot water sting like needles as they pierced her naked body. It flooded over her as she carefully washed any trace of cigarette smoke from her body. She rinsed the shampoo from her hair and regretfully turned the water off. She wanted to stay in the shower, hiding from life, but sooner or later the hot water would run out. Stepping out onto the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, Sayu grabbed a towel and dried herself off. She picked up her favourite perfume out of the bathroom cabinet; doused herself in it's fragrance to cover any hint of smoke.

Having done this, she wrapped the towel around her and slipped out if the bathroom and into her bedroom. Not that it mattered how well she concealed her tracks. Her mother was not the sharpest knife in the draw, her father was never home and Light had moved in with Misa-Misa.

She quickly got dressed and blow-dried her hair; she could hear voices coming from downstairs.

She followed the voices to their source and found herself in the living room, which was currently occupied with her father, her brother, Misa and a few other men she vaguely recognised.

After greeting them all, she asked, "Matsuda-san, right?" to one of them.

"Y-yes, Sayu-chan." He stuttered out a reply, "You are all grown up. You have become very beautiful…" he returned her warm smile.

Sayu could feel a flushed feeling creeping up her face and she had to force it back down. A few years ago, she had a crush on Matsuda. She was pleased to note that he hadn't gotten any less cute since the last time she had seen him.

She was picturing herself fucking him when her father said something that made her blood boil.

"We would never allow Sayu to marry a police officer."

"No, never." Agreed her mother, and Sayu felt like screaming. They were so controlling! There they were, trying to run her life again and making all of Sayu's choices for her! It made her furious that they were so protective and wouldn't let her have any fun!

But instead of voicing her opinions, she swallowed them and forced a plastic smile and laughed her plastic laugh, like everything was fine and dandy.

God, she hated being so fake; she wished her family could see her for who she really was.

-

It was night and Sayu easily slipped out of her bedroom window, onto a piece of the roof below, and then onto the ground. She had practised this manoeuvre over the past few weeks and she felt she was getting very good at staying silent. She had managed to sneak a smoke a few hours ago, so she wasn't as impatient about getting her next one as she was the night before. The road was slowly eaten up by her jogging feet and Sayu's thoughts drifted as the neighbourhood wandered by.

She lost focus.

Mistake.

_Hers._

At the next corner, Sayu felt a small prick at the base of her neck. Almost instantly she felt woozy and she stumbled a few paces before fainting. She was caught mid-fall by two men, clad in black. She was taken to a waiting van and shoved carelessly inside. The whole operation was fast, and took only a few seconds.

But it would have a huge impact on so many peoples' lives.

The houses stood unwavering; the only witnesses to the crime, and the street remained silent and unchanged as the van drove off into the night.


	2. I'm Unclean, a Libertine

Becky: Ah, a new chapter. Exciting, isn't it? Well, I'm excited, and although this chapter isn't really into the nitty gritty yet, it sets it up for the next chapter, which I promise has more about Sayu and Matt then actually building up to it. So please, bear with me and my writing style for a little while longer. Thank you very much to the people who have reviewed so far! I love you all for doing that, and please keep at it! It really makes my day, so yeah. Thanks again!

Disclaimer: Listen up yo, I don't own Death Note or characters, guns or unmarked vans. Thank you.

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**I'm Unclean, a Libertine**

The driver of the unmarked van took no care. By the time they reached their destination, after several hours of travel, the unconscious form was bruised and twisted.. They rolled through the gates and the van came to a halt. The doors were thrown open and Yagami Sayu was removed bodily from the back. She hung limply as a man carried her, as he navigated his way through the labyrinth of halls.

She didn't see as she was carried through a door into the presence of a blond-haired man. Didn't smell the musty smell in that room. Didn't taste the smoky air as she inhaled it. Didn't hear the orders that were given to the man carrying her. And didn't feel as she was dumped on the floor in yet another room.

Not yet.

-

Mrs. Yagami pushed open the door a crack, just enough to peek inside. The dark room was cold and the bed was empty. Just like the night before, and the night before that. She sighed as she pulled the door closed again. Sayu was gone every night, leaving Sachiko to worry about her in her absence. She knew Sayu thought she was being sneaky and that her mother didn't notice that she wasn't in her bed. Sachiko knew Sayu thought she was naïve. It killed her that her only daughter didn't value her and took her love for granted.

Sachiko was worried that Sayu was out every night, especially with Kira still on the loose. But then again, she supposed this was the safest time for Sayu to be out at night; all the serial killers and rapists trembled at the mere mention of Kira and hid from his other-worldly powers, so in a way he really was protecting people, just like everyone claimed.

Just as long as Sayu didn't push it too far. Kira was still on the lookout for criminals, even ones that committed petty crimes like shop-lifting and Sayu was more than capable of falling victim to that.

-

Sayu stirred with a groggy groan. Stirred wasn't really the right word… more like slowly gained the right to wake up. Foggy memories of her last conscious moments throbbed around the inside of her skull. She sat up in a slight panic, but just a little too fast. Nausea overtook her, and after throwing up on the ground beside her Sayu squinted her bleary eyes. Slowly she took in her surroundings. Sayu's intelligence paled in comparison with her brother's, but she was not stupid. Having just been reincarnated, she was not in the best mental shape, but after a few minutes of blinking meaningless shapes began to take form.

The first thing she really noticed was that she couldn't move her hands. This perplexed her for a while, before she realised they were bound behind her back with a cord or something. The room was not very big, but it's size was exaggerated due to the lack of furnishings. In fact, the room consisted of only a low metal chair placed near the door.

She lay back down on the floor; the only other possible exit from the room was a small barred window set high up the wall. Despite being thin, Sayu knew there was no way she could slip out that window, even if it wasn't barred.

_Wow, _Sayu thought, _I am dealing with this really well._

Shock. She was in a state of shock, she concluded. Okay, all she needed to do was not panic, keep her cool and analyse the situation.

Just then, a black man with a tree trunk neck burst through the door, knocking the chair over in the process. Sayu's eyes quickly flicked shut and she pretended to be unconscious still. The man was talking to another in the hall, deep voices causing the floor to tremble with their bass. Sayu cursed herself inwardly; she had never really paid attention in English class and wasn't very good at understanding coversations in the foreign language. Dammit, if only she could understand...

She was scooped up off the concrete floor like a sack of potatoes, and treated just as gently. She was roughly transported through a series of corridors; the men were muttering still and Sayu picked up on a few words: "Mello… not happy… no reply… Kira…" Sayu knew she would only have one chance to escape, so when the opportunity arose, she took it. Bouncing into life, she guessed the men really thought she was unconscious because when she rolled out of the arms of the black one, they seemed very surprised.

And very scared.

Why were they scared?

But Sayu didn't really care about that, she just focused on awkwardly jumping to her feet and making a break for the door. And freedom.

Bang.

The gunshot hurt Sayu's ears, but nowhere else on her body, so she guessed she hadn't been the target. Regardless, she froze in the doorway. She was metres from escaping, but she had a feeling that if she moved the next bullet would connect with her, and not just lodge itself in the roof.

"Get her."

The order came form a calm voice, menacing and deadly. It made Sayu want to throw up because she somehow knew this was the guy behind her kidnapping. The two men who brought her to this room didn't say anything in reply. They just grabbed her by her shoulders and threw her to the ground, face-first. She couldn't do anything to protect herself from the cold, hard, unforgiving ground and she skidded a little way. A brand new graze on her face leaked a little blood, but nothing serious.

What was serious was the atmosphere in the room as she slowly raised her head and laid eyes on the man responsible for her capture.

Is it just me, or is it getting hard to breath…

The air had turned thick, like magma in the earth's mantle. He looked as if he was made from leather, his clothes were so tight. And he had unusually pretty blonde hair. But it was the confidence and authority that spilled in torrents from his pores that really got Sayu's attention.

And for the first time since waking up in this hell-hole, she was genuinely terrified.

This was the man who had fired the gun, as the firearm was still facing skywards, pointing to the exact spot where the bullet had pierced the roof. He was glaring at Sayu now, a smirk on his face. He shoved the gun into the front pocket of his jeans And he strutted forwards a few paces to where Sayu was sprawled on the ground. With careful precision, he aimed a kick.

It connected with her ribs and sent her rolling fast. Her head snapped back and collided with a solid wall. Her vision was blurred and darkened, and the last thing she saw was the man with the pretty hair; smirk still plastered on his face.

-

Mello stared at the girl for a second before unexpectedly turning towards Wright and Forrest. The gun was already out and it fired another shot. But this time the deadly metal found human flesh to sink into. Wright buckled, the blood in stark contrast with his pale skin, which was getting paler by the second. Leaving Forrest to stare at the gun.

Which was now focused on him.

"You nearly let her escape. Such a simple task; bring the hostage to me. And you nearly let her FUCKING ESCAPE."

Forrest opened his mouth to explain, to tell Mello how she had faked it, how she had caught them by surprise. It was such a shame that the only thing Mello hated more than someone disobeying a direct order was backchat. And Near.

Bang.

The bullet found the base of the black man's thick neck, just left of dead centre. Dead was defiantly right, and poor Forrest breathed his last breath before greeting the floor. Once again the gun was pocketed. Fury bounced around Mello's eyes as he spoke. "Good help is so hard to find nowadays, don't you agree Matt?"

Until now, Matt had remained in the corner of the room, hidden by shadows. He just sat there, watching the action unfold as he lit another cigarette. He didn't say anything to Mello, but it seemed that the older man just took that as agreement. Turning to face his friend, Mello announced loudly, "Matt, I want you to watch her until she wakes up,"

Again, silence. But this time it was accented by a brief nod. He found his feet. It was going to be a long wait, so he grabbed his handheld on the way out of the door; followed by an eager Mafia member, who seemingly appeared from nowhere, carrying the Yagami girl's body.


	3. Strange Infatuation

Becky: Okay, I'm in a good mood today, so here's another chapter! This chapter is posted with lots of love to all who have reviewed so far, I love hearing from you guys, so keep them coming! I have a niggling feeling Matt is a little OOC here, but hopefully nothing too noticable. Yeah, it's called Strange Infatuation for obvious reasons... please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, cigarettes, the act of sleeping, knotted gags or Matt's handheld.

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**Strange Infatuation**

For the second time in 24 hours, Sayu woke up in that strangely bare room with only a barred window to give light. That, and a small red dot which showed up clearly because the window wasn't letting any light into the room anyway. Sayu concluded it was now night.

She tried to sit up, and found that not only had her hands been bound, but her feet too. And on top of that, when she tried to cry out in surprise at the change she found that the silence was not broken. A knotted cloth, that tasted of sawdust, served as a makeshift gag. So, unable to move more than a few inches at a time and silenced by the cloth, Sayu fell back onto her side and concentrated on that burning dot.

It hovered a few feet above the ground in the general direction of the door, at least where Sayu perceived the door to be. Being beaten unconscious really knocks your orientation. That red dot, did it just move? There it was again! Wait, was it _clicking?_ No, it can't have been…floating red sparkles don't click… _oh god, I'm going insane. _But no matter how much Sayu tried to convince herself that it was all in her head, the spot kept moving, and the clicks kept on coming.

After a short while, her night vision began to adapt to it's new surroundings. And then Sayu realised that the small light was a burning cigarette, and the clicks were that of a young man playing a handheld game of some sort. Sayu was perplexed as to how this man was playing a game in the pitch-black. It didn't make sense at all, but Sayu's brain was still scrambled from recent events and she figured it all would connect when she could think in straight lines again.

Using the tiny amount of starlight that slid through the window to her advantage, Sayu carefully scanned the man, who was probably supposed to be her guard.. His chestnut hair, shadowed by the darkness, his stripy top, pimp jacket, tight jeans, cigarette…

_Cigarette._

A feeling of intense longing pulsed through all of Sayu's nerve-endings, causing her need for a smoke to physically hurt. A moan, that sounded almost sexual rather than deprived, escaped her throat and alerted the Smoke Man to her awakened state.

-

He was watching her carefully as he switched off his game. She shifted slightly under his unwavering gaze; she looked uncomfortable, the way Matt was staring was obviously freaking her out. Her arms were bent back too far and tied too tightly, a common technique to get the weak-minded to snap fast. Matt didn't approve of Mello's approach, but he couldn't deny that it was effective. And it seemed Yagami Sayu was snapping faster than Matt would have anticipated. Poor girl, it was almost a shame to ruin her livelihood by corrupting it with flashbacks of darkened rooms and an abusive man with blonde hair.

-

She needed a fucking cigarette. She had to get one. The guy wasn't even smoking it, just letting it sit there in the corner of his mouth. She was dying for one, and he wasn't even smoking his? Well, fuck that.

She began to make as much noise as possible. She was thrashing about on the floor, screaming wordlessly and staring crazily at Smoke Man. If this didn't get his attention, then he was dumber than he looked.

-

Her eyes drilled right into Matt's soul. Kind of insane looking, they were. If she was freaked out by Matt's staring, then he was shit-scared of hers. But never mind the eyes, if she kept the noise up then Mello would be notified to the 'situation'.

Mello did not like to be notified to 'situations'.

Matt remembered vividly what happened to Wright and Forrest, and he was not keen on being next. _Got to stop the girl from being so loud… god, what the hell is wrong with her?_

Matt had forgotten for a second that she had been torn from her family and thrust into a dangerous environment. With an agitated growl, he stood up and walked towards the girl on the ground, his infra-red(1) goggles guiding him.

He turned up the charm and prayed he could calm her. Music to the savage beast and all that.

-

He was getting closer. _Fuck, for all I know, he could be a fucking serial rapist. _That didn't matter, all she wanted right now was the thin, white death-stick in the corner of his mouth. Smoke Man crouched down beside her and Sayu stopped struggling to try to inhale the thin tendril of smoke escaping his mouth as he breathed. Amusement flickered in the man's eyes (He looked so young, he was barely older than Sayu herself). He smiled at her, and Sayu felt something jolt deep inside her.

_Is he going to give me a cigarette? Please God, please let that be the reason he's smiling…_

"Well, well. Alive and kicking I see. I trust you are comfortable." His voice was a shock in the blackened silence, but eyes were locked onto his cigarette. No one never really knows the saying "So close and yet so far" until they had been in this exact situation. A raised hand and Matt removed the desired cigarette so he could talk easier, "Quieter now? Good. You need to keep it that way or…" The threat faded as Matt realised Sayu's eyes were no longer on him. A questioning look smothered his face as he waved the cigarette about experimentally. Sayu tracked it, occasionally stabbing a glare at Matt to emphasise her need.

A smile broke out across Matt's face and slowly , but surely, grew into a grin.

-

Sayu took this as a new method of torture. He knew she wanted that smoke, didn't he? But he wasn't going to give it to her? Bastard! Mother-fucking bastard! She wriggled and shrieked to vent her anger and frustration. How dare he stoop so low?!?

But what was this?

Sayu froze as she realised he was getting closer.

And closer.

_And closer._

He gently grabbed her chin and pulled her into a sitting position.

-

Matt understood, more than most people, the devastation of Nicotine deprivation. He felt sympathy for the Yagami girl. She was so young, and yet already relied on something so much that she would rather beg her captor than go without it.

His face was inches from the girl's, and in a low voice he asked, "You want the cigarette?" Dumb question, but as if on cue Sayu's eyes, who had up until now been scared and determined, softened.

She nodded vigorously.

Matt sighed, "I have a feeling I am going to regret this…" At that, he reached out and struggled with the unco-operative gag for a second, so that it hung around her neck like some sick and twisted kind of necklace. Quickly, before she could say a word, Matt took the cigarette from his own mouth and shoved it in hers.

_You would think she was inhaling ecstasy instead of chemicals, _Matt thought, _the way she is acting._

Matt's heart skipped a beat as she moaned again. He stood up, citing, "Oh god, Mello is going to KILL me for this…" with complete sincerity as he removed the smoke from Sayu's mouth to allow her a little time to breath.

A few short pants later, Sayu murmured "Thank you," rather breathlessly.

"Don't mention it," Matt replied dryly, then on second thoughts, "Seriously, don't mention it if you want to live to your next one." The full impact of what he had done was just beginning to hit home; he now relied on the hostage not to speak out, and she relied on him for her next smoke. A delicate balance, one that could not be broken at any costs.

But if Mello DID ever find out… No, just don't go there. There was no way he would find out; there was no cameras in the room, no witnesses if you didn't count Sayu, but she would keep quiet if she knew what was good for her.

_It was a one off, _he told himself firmly, _one time only thing. _But as hard as he tried to convince himself, Matt still couldn't believe that. Now there was a reliance, a dependence on each other. If Matt didn't want the girl to squeal then he would bring her smokes, and if the girl wanted to live to squeal, she sure-as-hell wouldn't talk. They had a bond, as unwanted as it was, and the first thing he had ever learned after joining the Mafia was "Never form a fucking bond with any of the bastards and bitches you work with". That, and, "Listen to the leader. Or die." And now he was going against BOTH of the rules, despite Sayu 'working' with him against her will. And Mello was going to be so pissed off…

_Damn._

The, as if for the first time, and it probably was, Matt noticed how close he was to Sayu; her warm skin pressed against his knee, her breath lightly grazing his fingers as he held the white stick to her lips, the slightly damp end as he pulled it away…

Automatically Matt sprung to his feet. 'Too close for comfort' was spinning insanely, out of control and rational thought, through his mind. All his senses were heightened to the point of nausea. Most vivid was the fact he could taste the stale air as she exhaled and smell her musty scent as she lay defenceless on the cold floor. Hands and feet bound.

_It would be too easy._

_No, _Matt told himself. It took a blank stare from the girl on the floor for him to realsie he had said the last word out loud. He bent back down and took the gag firmly in his fingers, that were strangely tingly. "I have to go. No one can know about this, you understand? No one." He said as he shoved the knotted cloth back in her mouth. Where it was supposed to have never left.

Sayu blinked her comprehension and Matt felt sick to his stomach. All he wanted to do was get the hell out of there as fast as he could. But in his haste he forgot his care, and as he quickly retreated his hands from her mouth her lips lightly brushed his fingertips.

He flinched at the contact and stood abruptly. "I'll try and come back. To bring you another smoke. No promises, mind. I'm not risking my neck for you." At that moment, Matt wanted nothing more in the world than to leave that room. He would give up cigarettes to be anywhere but there. But he swallowed his desire to bolt for the door, forced himself to walk rather than run. On the way out he grabbed his handheld. He didn't know why, all he knew was that it was very important to not leave it behind. Game in one hand, the other on the door, he threw it open and let light spill into the room. And then it was gone, just as quickly, taking Matt with it. A small click signified the door was now officially closed.

This time, however, Matt was on the opposite side.

-

It was about an hour, an hour and a half, before dawn when Matt left the room. His breaths came out short and ragged and he was shaking like a baked potato in a snowdrift. He didn't know why he was so shook up, but he blamed it on lack of sleep. Yes, that was it, he just needed to get some sleep.

Halfway down the hall, Matt remembered the burned-out cigarette. Where was it?

Fuck, he must have dropped it by Sayu when he was putting her gag back on… If someone tested it they would find both Sayu's and Matt's DNA on it. That, and the fact it was lying near the hostage. The other Mafia members were stupid, but they weren't dumb. But they may just be that unobservant.

No one around here, except Mello, would pick up on a detail that insignificant. Matt was just paranoid from lack of sleep. All he needed was nap, then he would go and find Mello, play a video game, smoke a cigarette or three, and act like nothing had happened.

The lighting in the hallway was dim and gave the feeling of perpetual dusk. It smelt damp, dirty and metallic, like blood. Each footstep reverberated down the shadowy halls. His game was cool and hard in his hand; it seemed almost futuristic compared to its surroundings. Matt had places to be and plans to pull off, and he was so exhausted he could drop right then and there and sleep for a week.

And yet all he could think about was Sayu's leg against his.

And her lips brushing his fingertips.

* * *

1. Infra-red goggles: A little of my imagination coming through. This makes sense to me, as now Matt can play his handheld in the dark! 


	4. Take the Plan, Spin it Sideways

Becky: Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter out, I hope it was worth the wait! I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and I would like to remind some people to not just 'favourite' or 'story alert' me, please take the time to review as well! I will love you forever if you do! Also, this is chapter four out of a probable seven, just to let you know.

WARNING: This chapter contains MELLO, so watch out for super-awesomeness! XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, associated characters, game consoles, cameras or food.

**

* * *

**

**Take the Plan, Spin it Sideways**

Matt slid in the door and gently closed it.

"Matt."

The voice came from behind him. He jumped at the accusation in it.

Oh god, he found out. How the fuck did he know?

He took a shaky breath and turned slowly to face Mello's wrath.

"You're jumpy today, what's up?" After closely searching his friends face for the anger and surprise he heard in his voice, Matt concluded there was none. It was all in his head, Mello didn't know. He was just being paranoid. It was all… Matt realised how long it was taking him to answer Mello's question, and suspicion was creeping into his face with every passing second.

"Nothing," Matt replied calmly, "Just tired. The girl didn't wake up until nearly dawn so I hardly got any sleep." After he length of time he had spent in the Mafia, Matt had learned to lie well. The words just rolled off his tongue like they were true as he crossed the room and planted himself on a worn-out couch in front of a T.V. The grey box was connected to several consoles, each producing a slightly different pitch of hum. Carefully choosing a controller, Matt began to flip the necessary switches and push the relevant buttons. The chosen equipment buzzed into life.

And after his time in the Mafia, Mello had come to learn how to differentiate the truth from the fiction, but he had no reason not to trust Matt, so he accepted the explaination and retraced Matt's path to the couch. "Speaking of that little bitch, how did she react when she woke up? I imagine she was a little distressed..." Mello's sadistic side always glared through with comments like these, and Matt didn't usually pay much attention to him when he was on one of his rants. "...find her accommodation comfortable... _What the fuck is wrong with you?_"

Matt looked up at Mello in surprise and, confused, followed his gaze. It came to rest on his hands, which were gripping the controller far too tightly, turning his pale knuckles as lighter shade of white. The shaking must have measured at least a 5.4 on the Richter Scale. Matt could hear a loose screw rattling around insode the controller. He mumbled something along the lines of "Need a cigarette" and bent over to grab and light one. He could feel Mello's eyes on his back; searching for an answer to his strange behaviour.

No, there was no strange behaviour to analyze, he just needed a cigarete. That was all. No way was he reacting to Mello's harsh words about Sayu...

_There, you see that? You've already started thinking about her as a person instead of an asset._

Damn, he had really fucked up. He wished he could turn back time and fix this mess. Wished he'd never placed the smoke between her lips. And especially wished he'd never noticed the adoration in her eyes as she inhaled the life-giving chemicals...

He sat back up, avoiding eye-contact with his friend. He took a long drag, but the smoke reminded him of a certain hostage and the memory caused Matt's heart to skip a beat.

-

Mello's suspicions deepened at the sharp intake of oxygen. Something very weird was going on with Matt and he didn't have time for weird. This was a crucial moment and he needed all his staff to be as sharp as a razor blade. His mind quickly ran a billion different possibilities for why Matt was so out of it today; the most probable ones being lack of sleep (as Matt had said) or relationship trouble (as Matt had not said).

But Matt had no reason to lie to lie to him; they were best friends after all. Unfortunately, two years in the Mafia did not make one stupid, and Mello was not dumb to begin with. He was, in fact, border-line genius, and experience had pushed him over that line in the past few years. Still, just because he had doubts didn't mean they were true. Besides, what was Matt doing? Sneaking out at the dead of night to nail some fucking chick? Was that why he was so tired this morning? If that was the case. Then who was guarding the Yagami bitch all night? Damn you Matt, how could you not tell me? We talk about everything, but you fail to mention the new leading lady in your life? Or are you just sneaking off to some strip club every night and getting horny?

Mello tensed slightly as he sat sprawled on the couch, silently fuming to the tune of his own runaway thoughts.

-

Matt could tell Mello was upset about something; he had gone very quiet and was breathing in irregular patterns according to his train of thought. It was particularly erratic this morning, so Matt guessed that whatever it was Mello was thinking about was not good. But Matt was not about to ask what was wrong, he had spent enough time around Mello to know that if he wanted to talk about something he would bring it up in his own time.

"Hey Matt…" Mello began slowly, thoughtfully (_right on cue_), "What do you think about the other guys around here?"

Matt blinked his surprise. Here was Mello, dressed like a leather shadow. He controlled a considerable amount of power, was regarded with a lot of respect (and even more fear) and he wanted to _gossip _about the other guys in the Mafia? Matt stole a sideways glance, soaked in amusement, before realising Mello was being serious. "Well," Matt began equally slowly, "They're not exactly 'thinkers'…"

Mello barked a laugh. "That's an understatement! Most of these men are dumber than a pile of small sticks! But you, you Matt, you are a thinker. Brains over brawn…" That comment earned Mello another sideways glance, "…Well, you know what I mean." Mello shifted on the couch so that his body was facing Matt. "Hey man, I can trust you, right?"

Matt turned to his friend, puzzled. "Of course, I'd do anything for you." _Where is this going?_

"Well…" Slowness of speech had seemed to have become a habit for the both of them this morning, "I want you to be our 'guest's' main guard for the duration of her stay. Just keep an eye on her; make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

_A little late for that now, _flashed across Matt's mind. He pondered Mello's request for a moment (_if I agree, do I seem eager? If I don't, however…_) before agreeing. He thought if he refused it would seem very odd. And very suspicious. Not to mention life-threatening if Mello had anything to do with it.

-

Although it was the answer Mello had wanted and expected, the speed in which Matt answered disappointed Mello a little. After searching his eyes thoroughly, he concluded that if Matt had anything to hide then he was doing it very well. Besides, now he had him right where he wanted him; all he had to do was to get Alicia to install a camera outside the Yagami girl's door without Matt's knowing. Alicia was good with her hands (and very good with her tongue it turns out) so the task should not prove too difficult for her. And then Mello could monitor if Matt leaves the room when he goes to visit his secret lover. And then it would be confrontation time.

Allowing himself a small smirk, Mello settled back down and began to watch Matt play his game.

-

The door opened a crack and a slice of the outside crept into the room. It was stuffy in there, the sun seemed to have found a way in, and yet there was no way out. Sayu had discovered that a few hours ago when the day was at it's hottest. She had been curled in a ball at the time, whimpering from dehydration and chaffed wrists and ankles.

But not fear, never fear.

Sayu had already figured out that her capture was some part of the Kira investigation from mutterings as people waltzed down the hall outside her room. Snippets of information knitted together to form a messy whole. But then again, Sayu had never been very good at knitting. She figured that she was related to two important people on the case, so why else would these criminals capture her? She hoped it was that, for her safety.

At some point in the late afternoon, Sayu had felt adventurous and had used the last ounce of the energy in her deprived body to drag herself to the wall furthest from the door. She had propped herself up into a sitting position; hands behind her back, knees forming an upside-down V with the ground. From there, Sayu could monitor the whole room.

But that door, only slightly open, let out all the hot, used air and all the doubt. And let in Smoke Man, who was carrying a plate of food. Sayu recognised him the second he stepped inside the room, and could instantly see the vital resources Smoke Man had brought with him. Those, and the small square lump in his jacket pocket, which Sayu hoped was her next meal.

She was getting hungry for something other than food.


	5. Tick Tock

Becky: Well, well. Another chapter, huh? Okay, first off I want to apoligise for the delay. Exams are approaching and real life keeps getting in the way, so sorry!.Secondly, this chapter is longer due to the fact I made you all wait so long for it. And thirdly; the ending of this chapter is rather predictable, but it does lead somewhere! Oh, and an impromptu fourth thing; I'm loving all the reviews you guys are sending my way! Good, tasty reviews keeps an author happy and healthy and ready to write! (Hint, hint). XD Okay, enough from me, I'm sure you all want to hear from Matt and Sayu! Happy readings!

Disclaimer: As usual, this is here to denounce the fact that I own Death Note. Things I also do not own include mouldy bread and cheese, flat screen T.V.'s, a Virgin Mary cigarette lighter and millions of dollars.

* * *

Smokeman paced the room; feet pounding out an obscure rhythm only he could understand. A Morse Code of the innocent and of the treacherous. The beat of 'shoe meets floor' soothed Sayu. It constantly reminded her that she was not alone. And it reminded her of a lone heart beating; at times fast and irregular, at others slow and cheerless. And then it stopped beating. Smokeman stopped beating. He just stood there, staring at her with unblinking eyes. The pacing had Sayu hypnotised, but the trance had snapped along with the stream of footsteps. All that was left was a cold, hollow fascination with the man in front of her. 

"Are you going to eat that, or what?"

His voice sliced the dark silence into shreds. Smokeman indicated the plate of barely edible food. It was then he seemed to notice the oily rag clogging up Sayu's mouth. He chuckled softly and he lowered himself down to her level. He whispered something along the lines of "Sorry"; the breath on her face made Sayu's spine shudder uncontrollably for a second, sending an ice-cold feeling dancing down her back, up her neck and along her arms.

He touched her cheeks with his hands, gently pulling the gag loose from it's perch. Never once breaking eye contact; his olives held her chocolates, her hazels piercing his forests.

His eyes left hers for a moment as she licked her lips moist and smooth. Sank a little lower, flicked back up to meet a knowing smile. Sayu tried out her neglected voice and managed nothing more than a slight wheeze. She swallowed then tried again. "Water… might help." She rasped. She really hated to wreck the moment like this, but she was dying of thirst here. Save the sideways glances and gentle touches for someone who wasn't dangerously dehydrated, thank you very much.

Still, when he stood up to retrieve the flask of water, Sayu missed his presence and his body heat.

-

Matt picked the dirty pale canister up off the dusty floor and unscrewed the lid. Kneeling, he placed the lip of the flask to the lip of the girl and tilted it slightly. She guzzled down the liquid greedily; water running down the corners of her mouth and onto her white top, turning it a shade of transparent. Her small breasts heaved with each long draught, something Matt wished he hadn't noticed.

It seemed like and hour before the flask was emptied, and Matt held it vertical to coax the final few drops into Sayu's eager mouth. With these gone and sliding down her throat, Sayu rested her head back on the wall behind her, "Water," she exclaimed with a sigh, "It's enough to worship." Matt nodded like he had any idea about what she was talking about, then picked up the less-than-appetizing tray of drying bread, cheese and a slice of something that resembled beef. Or tuna. She eyed it with suspicion, "It's not poisoned, is it?"

The corner of Matt's mouth twitched in amusement. "Do you honestly think I would tell you if it was?"

"Honestly? Yes," Sayu's focus left the food and settled on Matt, "Go on, try a bit." Matt gave an irritated little sigh and nibbled on the corner of the bread crust.

"This better not be poisoned," He said around his small mouthful of crumbs, "Or I will be so pissed off at Mello for not telling me…" He swallowed dryly and waited a few seconds. "See? Not deadly. And now it's your turn."

Sayu glared at him. (Was he stupid or something?) "In case you hadn't noticed, my hands are kind of pre-occupied." She jingled the handcuffs together to remind him of her position.

Matt laughed, "I've got you covered. Stale bread or old cheese?" Without waiting for an answer (it wouldn't have mattered, the two were indistinguishable) he broke a piece of something of a larger piece of something and pressed it to her closed mouth. "Open up." He whispered. Hesitantly, she parted.

Even the bland food was a shock to her deprived taste buds and the sudden flavour caused a surprised sound to escape Sayu's throat. This, combined with her tongue lightly licking his fingers of crumbs, was enough to make Matt attempt to completely ignore her. He focused all his attention on a dark stain halfway up the wall that didn't look unlike a blood splattering.

But Matt was about to find out just how hard Sayu is to ignore.

-

Having finished her meal, she realised Smokeman wasn't paying much attention. She nudged his shoulder with her forehead and watched him drag his wandering mind back into to realms of reality. Sayu observed with interest as his goggled eyes slowly regained their awareness and curiosity. "Hey," she said in a playful voice, "You're not leaving on me, are you?"

Smokeman blinked away any straggling thoughts. Once, twice. Three times for good measure. "No, I'm here now." He gently massaged his temples, "Sorry, it's been a long day. Night." He automatically corrected himself when he realised just how much time had passed since he last slept a full eight hours. He looked so sinister with half his face bathed in shadows from the glowing moon. But Sayu knew better; kneeling in front of her was a good man trapped in a bad man's situation. And sure, he'd probably done some dumb stuff during his lifetime, but who hadn't? And looking into his eyes just now , eyes guarded by a barrier of tinted plastic, Sayu could see a degree of innocence that seemed to flash behind his irises. It made her wonder about his past life and all the things those irises had seen to make this young man choose the path he had. A life that had robbed him of his youth.

-

Well fuck this.

Mello was seated in a tattered and weathered armchair that looked like it had been around when the dinosaurs used to relax in their Lay-Z-Boys, drink beer and watch the sports channel. Although, it seemed to have aged with a certain grace and has retained much of its former comfort. Now, however, it was positioned in front of a large flat screen which showed, simply, a door.  
A door that had not opened for hours.

And Mello was not about to admit he was wrong about Matt.

Alicia, with her short blonde hair and her watery blue eyes, was half on the arm of the chair, half in Mello's lap. She had taken to pressing her relatively small breasts against his chest and fiddling with his crotch around a layer of leather pants. She, herself, was wearing panties so skimpy that if they had been made of any less material she would be going commando.

But Mello didn't get distracted that easily (well, not tonight at least) and he had been intently watching that screen for nearly an hour now, waiting for Matt to sneak out and off to the nearby town to visit his secret lover.

Unfortunately, Mello was not a patient man, and it only took four-and-a-half more minutes for him to get really pissed off. He stood abruptly, forgetting completely about Alicia, who fell to the floor, he legs splayed in a very un-ladylike manner. He heard her cry out in surprise and pain, but he didn't really _hear _her. "I need to go and check on something, and if I'm right, then I want you right here when I get back. But this time, don't bother with the underwear."

Alicia glared at him from under golden bangs, but tried to cover it up with a sickly-sweet smile. 'Suck up now and be rewarded later' was her motto, and Mello was going to use that to his advantage. But first, evidence or no, he was going to confront his lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch friend about his personal whore. And with that, Mello turned and left the room, leaving _his _own personal whore to brood in silent solitude.

-

Her wrists hurt, she was not as full as she would like to be and the few mouthfuls of water she had been allowed were already drying on her swollen tongue. Smokeman had been pacing for a while, and had only just come to an uneasy rest legs crossed and back pressed against the wall that hosted the only door and several rather large mould spots. She had just been staring at him staring at the wall opposite for a few minutes. It was not a secret; he interested her. He seemed so different to anyone she had ever met before, so full of mystery and understanding. He was fascinating, and Sayu was content to just sit here and study him.

A dry cough wracked her frail body, her chest heaved and ached in her weakened state. The sudden raspy wheeze split the air and stained the comfortable silence with it's severity.

The cry of a smoker.

Patting down his jacket, Matt mumbled something along the lines of "Sorry… completely forgot…" But Sayu just dismissed his apology with a shake of her head as another cough tore her throat open and raw. Matt's fingers finally found what they were searching for and they slid inside his pocket and clasped the box of temptations inside. As he pulled it out, the cardboard made the smallest sound as it brushed against the material of the pocket lining. It was faint and slight, like an angel's breath, and it sent Sayu's heart beating at a mile per second.

God, she wanted the cigarette.

The cigarette?

Only the cigarette?

-

Matt felt stupid. This was the reason he was here, after all. To make Sayu's stay as comfortable as possible. That is, without Mello noticing he had a soft spot for the hostage.

He fumbled with the uncooperative lid of the cigarette box and nearly dropped them all when it finally, seemingly reluctantly, opened. He selected one at random and placed it between his lips; moistening the end a little with his tongue. Cupping his hand around the end, Matt pulled a small object from another one of his pockets. It was a small statue, fashioned in the shape of the Virgin Mary. Mello had given the object to him for Christmas last year and it was Matt's favourite lighter.

He flicked the head of the handcrafted religious icon off to produce a small flame. Red to white and the cigarette was burning. Matt quickly inhaled to encourage the end to keep alight before crouching on one knee in front of Yagami Sayu, holding out the cigarette to her like a servant would his queen.

Sayu's liquid eyes shifted from Matt's goggles to the rising smoke, from the embers announcing the start of the wisps to the matching flames of his hair.

Matt to smoke, smoke to Matt. Then Sayu took the plunge and went for what she really wanted.

-

At first Matt was surprised. Sure, he had thought about kissing Sayu, but those were just thoughts; he never intended to act on them. She was an attractive girl and Matt was a guy, it was natural to have those thoughts. But now that she was actually kissing him, he didn't know what to do. Despite what he had told, and bragged about to, Mello, he hadn't been with a lot of women. He spun stories so that he may live up to Mello's own notched bedpost. But this was worse than any story he had ever made up. This was real. Really kissing the hostage when he, Matt, was supposed to be her captor.

And yet all he wanted to do was kiss back.

He placed a hesitant hand on the back of her neck and pressed into the kiss. Responded with feeling. Sayu leaned forward and her knees fell to one side. She nestled closer to Matt's warm body. Her tongue confidently buried itself in his mouth; tasted the cigarette she had turned down, the cigarette that had fallen from Matt's grip and now lay forgotten at his side, mixing with the layer of grime on the unwashed floor. The, with a small clang, Matt loosened his grip in his other hand and his lighter joined the cigarette. His now free hand wrapped around Sayu's tiny waist; drew light circles on the small of her back. His other hand moved up and got lost in her hair, which was slightly greasy from not having been washed in days. Matt just gently stroked it; his fingertips swimming through the auburn locks. Delicately and carefully, their tongues began to chase each other in obscure patterns.

It was the worst possible time for Mello to walk in.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE?!?"


	6. You're Slipping Slowly from my Reach

Becky: Why hello! It's good to see you are all back to read this exciting new chapter! After the cliff-hanger I left in Tick Tock, I figured you guys deserve some action after waiting so long. I'm not sure how much sense some parts of this chapter make, but I think you are all smart enough to figure out what I mean if they don't. Well, I don't have too much else to say other than thanks for paying attention so far and please, feel free to read on!

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own Death Note or characters. I don't own unconciousness, uncontrollable rage, tinted googles or Matt's misery. I do own Flea, though!

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* * *

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**You're Slipping Slowly from my Reach**

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE?!?"

His screaming eyes were widened in horror and overflowing with malice. He stood with arms limp by his sides; shedding obvious surprise like a wet dog does water. The open door welcomed the hallway light in as it cast all the wrong shadows across Mello's face.

Matt jumped away from the incriminating scene, stumbling over his own feet and falling backwards, using his hands to break the fall. One million and ten things were flashing through his head, but none of them cared to stay long enough for him to grasp his bearings. Tunnel vision hijacked his corneas and all he could see, as he looked pathetically up at his friend, was the shock that twisted Mello's features.

All he could see was the paralyzing disbelief turn slowly into uncontrollable rage.

Shit.

He heard the crack as soon as Mello's foot sunk under his ribcage. The blow badly winded him and sent him skidding across the room, straight into the adjacent wall. A cry of surprise and pain surpassed his suddenly chapped lips as he was propelled across the room, but it was cut short as his head snapped forward. His chin collided with his chest as his head connected with the cold, unforgiving concrete. He sat there for a moment, watching Mello move, seemingly in slow motion, towards him in a blurry, red haze. A bleary thought was captured by his fuzzy head as it sped past, _I think that motherfucker broke my ribcage_. There was a very loud buzzing in his ears. It took priority over all other sounds, so Matt tried his best at lip-reading as Mello jerkily approached. Judging by the bright scarlet of his cheeks and the tensed muscles in his jaw and temples, Matt concluded Mello was shouting. Matt couldn't really blame him, considering the circumstances.

He stole a glance he hoped would remain unnoticed at Sayu. Her hair was greasy with sweat; mixing with the tears that streamed down her face. She appeared to be screaming back at Mello, and Matt prayed to a god he didn't believe in that she would stop. If she kept it up, all it would achieve would be invoking Mello's fury upon herself. He wanted to warn her, to tell her to shut up and let him handle this; but he couldn't summon the words, only half-formed on his swollen tongue.

Unfortunately, Matt's efforts alerted Mello to his line of vision, and that only fuelled his horrific anger.

He rose his hand and slapped Matt's face, and that one stroke contained all the betrayal, rage and disbelief Matt could clearly see Mello was feeling.

Matt was in a state of shock, he knew, and the fact that he couldn't feel anything now was due to the temporary numbness that often tagged along behind. This meant that, while his face only burned now, it was going to get a hell of a lot worse in an hour or so. His chest felt tight and compressed, and Matt didn't even want to think about what Mello had done to it. He didn't have time.

Mello was still running on adrenaline. He wasn't thinking straight and was acting purely on impulse and emotion. He grabbed Matt by the throat and pulled him to his feet; pinned him to the wall with his forearm. He was cutting off Matt's airways, but he wouldn't relent his grip. Matt felt his face turn red to match the hand-mark on his left cheek; red, then pale as less oxygen found it's way to his muddled brain. He made several choking and gasping sounds to try to salvage the air he could reach, but to no avail. The pressure was making his eyeballs feel as if they would explode out of his head any second now.

Kill me, kill me now. This is too much, I can't take it. Just kill me and get it over with. Kill me, I can't take this pain. This pain… kill me. Now. I don't want to live… I don't want to… die.

But Mello couldn't hear his silent pleas and continued to hold him an inch above the ground; shouting abuse in his weary and beaten face.

Finally, after what seemed to be a lifetime, Mello pushed his best friend to the floor, allowing him to gulp down the air he had been deprived of. Something quietly popped as the ground rushed to meet his limp body, and all of a sudden the sound in his deaf world thundered back. He could clearly hear Sayu still screaming at Mello, but Mello himself had gone oddly silent. Fury still flooded from his as he moved to grab Matt by the collar. He then began to drag him from the room, using little more energy than he would to drag a bag of potatoes. His emotions had given him unusual strength and power. The back pockets of Matt's jeans slowly gathered a layer of grime and dust as he was pulled from the room. As they reached the door, Matt's injuries finally caught up with him and his world whispered and weaved. His chest was being ripped apart and the whole left side of his face felt as if one thousand needles were being jabbed repeatedly into, and under, his skin. With a final heave, Matt gave in to the pressing darkness. The last thing he saw before he gave into the welcoming blanket of unconsciousness was the door slamming shut on Sayu; broken and traumatised by what she had witnessed; locking her and leaving her to her weeping and eventual sleep, drawn from exhaustion; haunted by nightmares of twisted blonde men with a vengeance.

And pleading eyes trapped behind obscure goggles.

-

Kill me now. I can't go on. Just kill me, please. I can't take the pain. I don't want to live, I don't want to die. Kill me. I need… No. _I have to… _Not yet. _I can't live, let me die. Take me away, please let me leave… _No, not yet. Not now. _Wake up… I can't die; can't be weak. Have to live, have to keep… _breathing. _Wake up, _wake up. WAKE UP. 

-

Matt awoke to find himself in a sitting position in the corner of a large room that was buzzing with life. His knees were loosely hugging his chest, which was bandaged considerably. Without opening his eyes, Matt realised multiple people littered the room, chattering mindlessly to each other. It seemed he had pulled himself from his dreams just in time to attend a meeting that no one had appeared to have invited him to.

Fuck, his whole face ached and throbbed with the aftershock of Mello's devastating anger. His eyes slid groggily open to view the world through blurred eyes. He panicked for a second before realising that this was not because his eyesight had been damaged, but because his goggles had fogged up while he was asleep. He chuckled weakly at his distress, then emitted a long, low groan when that simple laugh induced an intense pain in his chest. It burned like a red-hot ember had been shoved down his oesophagus and had stuck on the way down. It was slowly melting the tissue and inching closer to his heart and lungs. The moan of pain alerted the occupants of the room to his conscious state.

"Well, well boys. It seems Sleeping Beauty has finally awoken from his slumber. See? Didn't I tell you the kiss would do it?" The room exploded into laughter and very loud remarks. Matt cringed at the sound of the jeers and allowed his chin to rest gingerly on his bruised collar-bone; his hair coating his face in a curtain of deep red.

Sleep: the natural pain-killer. Matt wished sleep was something you could just turn on; something he could slip between to escape this embarrassment and pain.

"… screwing around with the Yagami bitch. Didn't pick her as a whore. What say you, Matt? Was she worth it?" The bass of the man's voice dulled with the immediate silence as the room waited in anticipation for the reply. Matt's head fell gently back, using the wall behind him as support, and stared up at the ceiling for a long time before uttering his response. "Fuck you, Roy."

The room roared with laughter , and someone shouted over the din, "She can't have been that good if he's already turning to Roy to get laid!" Matt just ignored the laughter and wrapped his right arm protectively across his chest. Using his free hand, he carefully pulled himself to his feet, wincing at the pain that shot through him as he moved. Matt placed on foot in front of the other and was immediately struck by a sudden nausea. Instinctively, he threw out his free arm to regain his balance. It collided with the wall, adding to his rather large collection of wear-and-tear. He grasped the wall and rested there for a moment while he regained his breath and the nausea passed.

Flea, who had always been good to Matt, jumped awkwardly to his feet and rushed to lend him a hand. "Steady there, man," he said as he draped Matt's arm around his shoulder and took the injured man's weight, "You're lucky Mello didn't completely skin you alive. Of course, he can always come back to finish the job." Flea lead him carefully to a vacant chair and lowered him slowly into it.

Matt just sat with his eyes closed for a second, dizzy with bitter misery. "God, I feel like I've been hit with a truck," he stated dryly.

"You'll be wishin' it was a truck when Boss gets back. He doesn't take too kindly to betrayal." Roy bared his crooked and yellowed teeth in a grin of, what appeared to be, amusement. Matt ignored the comment as he took to lightly pressing down on the bandage that covered the lower half of his ribcage, seeking out the source of his pain.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Flea warned, "that motherfucker's broken, and it wont do any good to be poking and prodding it like that."

There was a distinct whisper of "I bet that's not all he's poking" from the other side of the room. A few men exchanged sniggers. Matt shot them a death stare and they abruptly shut up.

"Matt. Good to see you are still alive and kicking. Now that we are all here and awake, maybe we can proceed with today's meeting."

Matt froze as the menacing voice brushed past him. Mello stalked into the room and claimed a quickly-vacated chair. He held some the mens' eyes who sniggered, turning them all to stone with his medusa-stare, before announcing with a smirk that the meeting had begun. "Let's get down to business, shall we?"

-

Throughout the whole meeting, Mello avoided eye-contact with him, and to Matt that hurt worse than any broken rib ever could.

Mello announced the end of the assembly, and Matt rose to his feet with the others, hurt Mello had not directed a comment, apart from his initial acknowledgement, at him. Then, speaking loudly to be heard over a dozen pairs of shuffling feet, Mello said, "Matt, stay behind. I need to talk to you for a moment."

The way he said it made Matt's stomach turn like a drunken man on a barstool and he exchanged a panicked glance with Flea as he lingered around his chair; the pair of them waiting for the room to empty. Finally, as the last foot crossed the threshold of the door, Mello said calmly, "Shut the door."

Matt quickly obliged with a worried gulp. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, and he wanted to get his apology in before the shouting began. "Mello, I am sorry about…well. I don't even know how it happened and I…"

Mello held up his hand to silence the babble. "Stop. Actions speak louder than words, Matt. So you have already said more than enough.

Matt obediently hung his head in shame. He felt like a naughty schoolboy receiving a punishment from his stern teacher.

"I thought could trust you. But it turns out I can't. And I can not have people I don't trust on my team; you know that better than most people." A chill spread through Matt's body at Mello's words; at his own death sentence. It wouldn't be as simple as getting fired. No, he knew too much. Mello couldn't afford to let him live past the hideout gates. His body stiffened as the full impact of the words hit him.

Mello stood up, peeling the leather of his pants off the seat of the chair. He walked forward and faced Matt's bowed head.

"You have betrayed me, Matt, but it would be unfortunate to have to kill you. You have been with me forever and, apart from this one… mishap, you have been loyal. It would be a real loss if you 'disappeared', so I'm sure there is a way for us to work this out."

Matt looked up, eyes alight with new hope, "Anything," he whispered, "anything for you, Mello."

The man flashed him an evil grin. "Excellent. In that case, I have a little task for you."


	7. Without You I'm Nothing At All

Becky: Before you read the long awaited chapter number 7, I would firstly like to apologise for the long delay. If you are reading this now, then you have amazing patience and I thank you for having enough faith in me and my writing to wait this long for this chapter. Contained in this chapter, like a diamond in the rough, it seems, is what I believe to be some of my best writing in a long time. Hopefully it is enough to make up for the length of time it took to produce this. And, as usual, I would like to thank all the darling people who have reviewed! I love you all, so keep at it!

Oh, and one last thing before I leave you to read on. This is, in fact, the final chapter of Without You I'm Nothing, which does make me sad since I've had so much fun writing this obscure pairing. If you have all enjoyed reading this fan fiction half as much as I have loved writing it then I know my job as an authoress and a fan girl is complete! Hopefully I'll see some of my lovely reviewers on my other stories! So I hope you all enjoy the final installment of Without You I'm Nothing.

Disclaimer: As usual, this is here to announce that I don't own Death Note, it's characters or it's plot. I also do not own a latex suit or mask, a plane, an obsession with women in pain or a small tabby cat.

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* * *

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**Without You I'm Nothing At All**

"Shit Mello, I can't believe I'm doing this," Matt mumbled as he pulled on a rather tight protective suit. It was extremely hot in the dark room, California's finest it seemed. Or worse; the billowing hot air had not relented in days. Matt was sweating like a pig lined up for the slaughter house (and if everything didn't go exactly to plan, then maybe that's where Matt would be headed).

Mello's harsh voice crackled in his ear, "Suck it up, bitch. Yagami-san will be here within the hour…" Matt groaned loudly at that comment, "What now?!"

"Mello, it's 300 fucking degrees and I'm sweating up the Atlantic Ocean. This lovely, tight-fitting suit, no matter how awesome it looks on me, is not helping the cooling process."

Matt's earpiece rustled in annoyance and Mello sent a warning across the radio waves, "Matt…" Apparently Matt had not yet done enough to win back Mello's sympathy.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Matt sighed as he pulled on the midnight-black latex mask, topping off his whole ensemble, "Suck it up, bitch."

-

Soichiro liked planes; he didn't mind the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as the plane's toes gently grazed and then left the ground far behind. Unfortunately, that sinking feeling hadn't disappeared as the 747 levelled out. The man sitting next to him was discreetly holding a gun to Soichiro's ribcage and a wireless earpiece was firmly planted in his ear.

Every time a strand of thought relating to his missing daughter graced his jumbled mind the sinking intensified to the point of nausea; he was being pulled by an unseen force deep into the realms of despair. He wanted, no, he NEEDED Sayu back; he was being eaten up inside by his own grief and guilt (because it was his fault, wasn't it. If he hadn't agreed to work on the Kira case, then things would be very different. But it was too late…) and it was only a matter of time before just an empty shell remained where a great man once was. How would he face Sachiko and Light again? How would he solve cases, kidnappings, with his daughter's beautiful face forever imprinted on his eyelids? How could he go on living with this emptiness inside? He shut his eyes tight, willing the blackness away but it didn't leave.

Not that easily.

With a strangled sigh, he once again opened his eyes to face the nightmare he now was a part of; the nightmare that had engulfed his life and was the very air he breathed.

It was only a matter of time.

He was not leaving America without his only daughter in tow. No, he would not even consider leaving without Sayu. And the men that had taken her from the safety of her home had better watch out, had better sleep with one eye open, because Soichiro was angry.

A matter of time.

Very angry indeed, and his time would come, he thought as the air hostess flashed him a tired smile and offered him more water. He declined and stroked the black notebook hidden on the inside of his jacket protectively.

His time would come.

-

Matt hated this. Everything had been pulled inside out ever since Sayu had arrived, bound from lips to toes; ever since his life-giving, breath-taking cigarette had passed her lips. It was all wrong, nothing would be the same again.

Why?

There were plenty of other fish in the sea, or so the saying goes, so why this angel fish? What was so unique about the way her hair fell across her face in sweaty distress? Why was he so affected by the way she held her broken body against the cool glass? And, most of all, how did her silent screams slip by the slick sound-proof glass to penetrate his heart and his thoughts?

He didn't really know what it was, but as Matt glared at her through a layer of latex, he realised that THIS was it.

This.

When she was calm she was beautiful, few men would disagree. She had about her a kind of innocence; her eyes spoke her soul and she moved so gently, as if unaware of the obstacles of her surroundings, but still careful not to bruise her sun-kissed body. She spoke slowly, tasting each word before making it audible to stabilise the flavour of each sentence and she breathed with the force of a exotic butterfly in mid-flight.

But now, in this twisted, panicked state, she was exquisite. Erotic.

She jolted and jerked, pounded the glass for attention, for someone to set her free. Her wild eyes burned with insanity; they pleaded with the man beneath the suit. She didn't know that it was Matt, her 'Saviour'.

So go on, save her.

Her hands slid down the barriers (separating her from the rest of the world) leaving behind a snail-trail thick with sweat mixed with tears and fear. Her rosy lips had turned pale and were screaming in this torture of her mind.

And Matt loved it.

The thought scared him, but he knew that he loved the thrill of the hunt, and Sayu had just become his prey, he thought as he swam deep in her eyes and absorbed the pain she felt. Maybe it was a long-forgotten instinct in the male gene that made them lust for dominance and control over women. A strange warm feeling began to swell in the pit of his stomach, then spread a little lower. He had created this masterpiece, and he loved the power.

Loved it.

He wasn't afraid of what he had to do, now. This feeling had banished all fear from every inch of his body. When Yagami-san arrived, Matt would deliver his lines to perfection. His voice would not waver and, when the time came, he would raise his arm and shoot the bullet-proof glass, merely inches in front of Sayu's terrified face. Not a single shudder would shake his arm from it's rock-solid stance.

Why?

Because perfection was what he was known for and perfection was what was expected. And because, no matter how amazing it made him feel, he still wanted what was best for the budding woman struggling to be free of her crystalline prison, and what was best for her was to be home with her family, to have a life and to be happy. And Matt couldn't provide her with that, not in his current condition. Maybe if the timing and the setting hadn't been so… inconvenient then things could have been different. But it was not meant to be, not meant to prosper, so Matt must force Sayu to the back of his mind, forced into the blurry world of Forgotten and Unimportant.

* * *

****

One year later

* * *

The first bullet ripped his flesh with the ease of a hungry beast. It passed through his right shoulder with a searing heat, like the lick of a thousand furnaces, followed by the cold of a winter like no other. The wound may have not been fatal had it not been followed closely by another blood-thirsty beast, and another, and thrice more. Each impact forced him back, forced him a little nearer to the thin line between life and non-existence. Each bullet stole a little more of his last breath.

The thunderous explosions were overwhelming and coming from every direction, from all around his failing body. It was almost pathetic the way he stumbled from the weapons doing him such harm. How he fell against the very car that carried him to his impending doom, painted the same colour as the viscous liquid spilling from his open wounds, was degrading to say the least. And when, lips parted, the death rattle graced his burning lungs and his smouldering cigarette was pushed into a sick embrace with the bloody pavement, many looked on in haughty disdain and quietly told themselves that it was no great loss.

-

Thousands of miles away, hidden from sight by evergreen trees and bushes laden with sweet berries, was a small cottage, far from the bustle of city life it's inhabitants were accustomed to. The wooden walls of the house were painted off-white, bordering cream, and bleached even paler by the sun.

The weather had not been kind that winter, and the dawn of spring had brought little relief to the flash storms and strong winds. One morning, however, the rising sun rolled, carefree, into a clear sky. The falling rays of light were distorted by the canopy of trees and filtered into a cool green which cast subtle shadows on the ground and the house.

A small jingling sound signalled a small tabby cat's presence as the bell around it's neck moved with the feline. It jogged across the grass and slipped through a cat door into the house. Sayu watched the cat, named simply 'Neko', approach it's food bowl. Upon noticing it was empty, Neko turned it's tragic golden eyes onto Sayu and mewed pathetically. Sayu stared without seeing, ignoring the hungry cries of her pet.

Sachiko regarded this all from the safety of the kitchen. Sayu had barely said a word since she was returned to her mother's arms one year ago. She moved only if she had to and had quickly lost weight due to her not eating unless forced to. Sayu was slowly becoming less of a human.

Sachiko could only begin to imagine what was going on inside her daughter's head. They never talked of the kidnapping and, consequently, Sachiko knew almost nothing of what had gone on while she was separated from her daughter. She hated to see her baby so detached, but no force on Earth, it seemed, would be able to break Sayu from this slump until she, herself, put the effort in. All Sachiko could do was pray that this time would come soon.

-

Sayu stared blankly at the flickering T.V screen. It was some reality show where people had to prove their bravery by performing crazy stunts for money. She wasn't really watching anyway.

She blinked some moisture into her dry eyes and shifted slightly in her seat. She had felt so… empty for quite a while now, ever since she was rescued by her Papa. Held under the hawk-gaze of her over-protective mother, Sayu couldn't sneak a cigarette even if her life depended on it, which it felt like it did after a few days. Sayu had no choice but to quit smoking cold turkey, and in her frail state of mind it felt like the emotional Everest that she would die trying to climb. The shock of capture combined with withdrawal symptoms threw Sayu into a deep depression from which she still hadn't recovered entirely. She was just sitting on a faded couch, thinking about the quiet and dark of night, when the man bungee jumping off a huge tower was replaced by a bright yellow screen proclaiming 'NEWS FLASH'.

The colour of the T.V screen distracted Sayu from her thoughts and she tuned in to the grim face of the middle aged reporter declaring the news for all to hear.

"… shot down by thirteen of Kiyomi Takada's bodyguards after an attempted attack on the famous news reporter. Takada-san has later been discovered to have been taken by the accomplice of the deceased, as admitted seconds before the first bullet was fired. Here is an instant replay. Warning, the following material is graphic and may be offensive to some viewers…"

Chills spread down Sayu's spine and her hands turned clammy with cold sweat. She watched Smoke man's final moments, watched as he stumbled and fell against the car he had arrived in, but would never leave in. She inhaled sharply as his beautiful eyes closed for the final time and his cigarette, still burning, slipped from between his chapped lips and onto the blood-stained ground. The white stick turned a rich red as it absorbed Smoke man's lifeline. Misty-eyed, Sayu watched the man, who had protected her when no one else would, die horribly before her. His pain was broadcasted internationally, and by morning his death would be spoken of in classrooms and in homes, used as an example of why you should never go against the work of the Great Lord Kira.

Her mother noticed the channel she was watching and quickly bustled to her side. "Sayu, honey, you shouldn't be watching this. Come now, come with me." She attempted to pull Sayu away from the T.V screen to which she was glued, but Sayu put up quite a good fight as she tried to watch the outcome of the news report. She knew that no amount of paramedics or blood transfusions would bring Smoke man back from the bloody grave provided to him by Takada's bodyguards.

"He was a good man, he didn't deserve this. He was a good man, he didn't deserve this…" she whispered repeatedly as she finally allowed herself to be stiffly pulled from the lounge.

-

Only minutes later, her mother had her seated on her bed, a tray of soup and a cup of hot tea in front of her. The rising steam made intricate patterns in the air, blending and bending together, before disappearing forever. Sayu ignored the food completely. She wasn't hungry.

A single tear escaped the corner of her eye. She remembered him vividly, his breath on her skin, his touch. She remembered the way that he would look at her, like he was assessing her every move; like he was mapping her out in excruciating detail. She even remembered the small smile that would shyly peek out, then grow, when they talked and how his brilliant green eyes would twinkle in the small light given off by the cigarette he held in his lips, the way the twinkle was corrupted by the rising smoke.

And she remembered the very first cigarette that they had shared.

And, god damn it, if that wasn't the best one she'd ever had.


End file.
